The World’s Most Prestigious Power Poll: Week 1

Updated: September 7, 2013
Power Poll

Your lives suddenly have meaning again with the return of the NFL and, more importantly, the return of The World’s Most Prestigious Power Poll, which explains the NFL to you. Enjoy.

Peyton Manning

01. Denver Broncos [1-0]: Apparently, Peyton Manning is not ready for the scrap heap. [13-3]

02. Atlanta Falcons [0-0]: Best collection of offensive skill players in the NFL. [13-3]

03. San Francisco 49ers [0-0]: Defense might be the best in the NFL, but where is the downfield passing game without Michael Crabtree? [11-4-1]

04. Seattle Seahawks [0-0]: They will miss Percy Harvin, but the defense is ferocious and Russell Wilson & Marshawn Lynch lead a sometimes explosive offense. [11-5]

05. Green Bay Packers [0-0]: Facing the 49ers & the Redskins the first two weeks of the season, Green Bay defensive coordinator Dom Capers better have a handle on the read option. [11-5]

06. Houston Texans [0-0]: It needs to happen this year for the Texans, as Arian Foster is a declining player with chronic health problems. [12-4]

07. New England Patriots [0-0]: Tom Brady is still trying to learn the names of his receivers. Get healthy soon, Gronk. [12-4]

08. Cincinnati Bengals [0-0]: Loaded with talent, but how far will Andy Dalton let them go? [10-6]

09. Baltimore Ravens [0-1]: Peyton Manning makes lots of defenses look bad, but 7 TD passes? Seven?! [10-6]

robert-griffin-iii10. Washington Redskins [0-0]: Team is healthier and better than last year, but schedule is much tougher. [10-6]

11. New York Giants [0-0]: Injuries on the offensive line and the defense looks shaky, but nobody rallies the troops like Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning. [9-7]

12. Chicago Bears [0-0]: I have a strange feeling Marc Trestman will get something good out of Jay Cutler. [10-6]

13. Indianapolis Colts [0-0]: Lots of talent on offense, but the league’s luckiest team last year faces a much tougher schedule in 2013. [11-5]

14. New Orleans Saints [0-0]: Return of Sean Payton will help an already-potent offense, but the defense looks like a minor catastrophe. [7-9]

15. Dallas Cowboys [0-0]: Tons of talent on offense, but, as usual, there is little depth. They should be fine if they don’t have injury problems. Too bad this is football. [8-8]

16. St. Louis Rams [0-0]: Key talent upgrades lead back to Sam Bradford. Will he ever be a good quarterback? [7-8-1]

17. Pittsburgh Steelers [0-0]: Offensive line is still poor and Mike Wallace’s deep speed will be missed. [8-8]

18. Minnesota Vikings [0-0]: Made a lot of additions, but the schedule is tougher and Christian Ponder still hasn’t proven anything. [10-6]

Adrian Peterson

19. Miami Dolphins [0-0]: I’m a believer in Ryan Tannehill. With a bit of luck, the ‘Fins could make the playoffs, but will anyone in south Florida care? [7-9]

20. Kansas City Chiefs [0-0]: Andy Reid will upgrade the offense hugely and a weak schedule will help, too. [2-14]

21. Carolina Panthers [0-0]: Cats spend a ton of money on running backs. Maybe one of them will actually help Cam Newton this year. [7-9]

22. Detroit Lions [0-0]: Reggie Bush should help the offense, but the back 7 on defense is still a big problem. [4-12]

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [0-0]: Revamped secondary will help, but it’s do or die time for Josh Freeman. [7-9]

The Washington Redskins play the Philadelphia Eagles in NFL Football24. Philadelphia Eagles [0-0]: Team could be very dangerous if Michael Vick stays healthy & returns to 2010 form, but how likely is that? [4-12]

25. Arizona Cardinals 0-0]: Huge upgrade at QB, but without Jonathon Cooper the offensive line is still a big problem. [5-11]

26. San Diego Chargers [0-0]: A mess at receiver and offensive line won’t help declining Phillip Rivers. [7-9]

27. Cleveland Browns [0-0]: If anyone can get something out of Brandon Weeden, it’s Norv Turner, back in his proper role as offensive coordinator.

28. Tennessee Titans [0-0]: Offensive line should improve, but I don’t believe in QB Jake Locker. [6-10]

29. Buffalo Bills [0-0]: EJ Manuel’s first test is Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. Welcome to the NFL, rookie. [6-10]

30. Jacksonville Jaguars [0-0]: Terrible passing offense and terrible pass defense and top pick Luke Joeckel can’t change that overnight. [2-14]

31. New York Jets [0-0]: Worst collection of offensive skill players in the NFL. [6-10]

32. Oakland Raiders [0-0]: When Terrelle Pryor is the good option at QB, you’ve got problems. Offensive line is a  mess, this team might not win two games all year. [4-12]