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It was a tough week for the top of the NFL, as the top 3 teams in The World’s Most Prestigious Power Poll all lost. When the dust settled, it was a good week to be a quarterback from the Manning family, though both the Colts and Giants run defenses were shredded like rice paper.
01. Indianapolis Colts [2-0]: Peyton Manning and the Colts demonstrate how to win on the road despite never actually having possession of the football. [+3]
02. New York Giants [2-0]: I’m no Giants fan, but I sure did enjoy watching them spoil Jerry’s Billion Dollar Dome party. [+3]
03. Baltimore Ravens [2-0]: Now, with offense! [+7]
04. Minnesota Vikings [2-0]: Management exploring options to have the forward pass outlawed. [+3]
05. Atlanta Falcons [2-0]: Has any franchise in the NFL made as many good decisions in the last two years as this one? [+4]
06. New Orleans Saints [2-0]: Wilt Chamberlain didn’t score as much as these guys. [+6]
07. Pittsburgh Steelers [1-1]: Relying too much on Big Ben’s arm. Where the hell is the famous Steelers running game? [-6]
08. New York Jets [2-0]: Rex Ryan has his new defense playing like his old defense [see Ravens, Baltimore]. [+8]
09. San Diego Chargers [1-1]: Just not strong enough on defense to be a serious contender right now. [-6]
10. New England Patriots [1-1]: Lucky to not be 0-2 and poised to tumble down The World’s Most Prestigious Power Poll unless they start looking like the Pats of old. [-8]
11. Dallas Cowboys [1-1]: There isn’t enough cosmetic surgery on Earth to hide what happened to Jerry’s face when the Giants’ game-winning field goal went thru the uprights. [NC]
12. San Francisco 49ers [2-0]: The return of Frank Gore [207 rushing yards, 2 TD last week] is bad news for the other 31 teams in the NFL. [+3]
13. Philadelphia Eagles [1-1]: Need to get Donovan McNabb healthy quickly because Kevin Kolb isn’t ready, but Michael Vick is. A controversy is brewing. [-7]
14. Arizona Cardinals [1-1]: You know the Cardinals are winning easily when Matt Leinart gets on the field. [+4]
15. Buffalo Bills [1-1]: Looks pretty good for a team that just fired its offensive coordinator and was left for dead two weeks ago. [+4]
16. Chicago Bears [1-1]: Jay Cutler earned his money in the big win over Pittsburgh. [+6]
17. Tennessee Titans [0-2]: Chris Johnson’s monster season is being ruined by the rest of the team. [-9]
18. Cincinnati Bengals [1-1]: One fluky deflected pass from being 2-0 for the first time since Grover Cleveland was president. [+6]
19. Green Bay Packers [1-1]: While the world was singing the praises of new Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers and his 3-4 defense, I said scheme can’t cover up for a lack of talent. Dom Capers and his wonderful 3-4 defense just made Cedric Benson look like OJ Simpson. [The running back, not the murderer.] [-5]
20. Washington Redskins [1-1]: Offensive game tapes now recommended as a cure for insomnia. [-3]
21. Miami Dolphins [0-2]: Ran for 240 yards and controlled the clock for 45 minutes and still found a way to lose the game. [NC]
22. Carolina Panthers [0-2]: Finally got a decent game from Jake Delhomme, but the tough early schedule has put them behind the rest of the pack. [-1]
23. Denver Broncos [2-0]: Undefeated against Ohio. Let’s see how the rest of the schedule goes. [NC]
24. Houston Texans [1-1]: Huge victory over the Titans is a good sign, but this team still doesn’t play any defense. [+4]
25. Seattle Seahawks [1-1]: In huge trouble if Matt Hasselbeck’s rib injury keeps him out more than a week or two. [-12]
26. Oakland Raiders [1-1]: Winless against the NFL, undefeated against the KC Chiefs. [NC]
27. Jacksonville Jaguars [0-2]: I hope Head Coach Jack Del Rio hasn’t bought a new house in Jacksonville recently. [-2]
28. Kansas City Chiefs [0-2]: Here is how bad the Chiefs are: They lost to the Raiders despite outgaining them 3-1, controlling the clock 2-1 and facing a quarterback who completed 25% of his passes. [-1]
29. Cleveland Browns [0-2]: Someone ask Drew Carey if he’s still proud to be a Browns fan. First find out if Drew Carey is still alive. [-1]
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [0-2]: Looks like Monte Kiffin took the defense with him to the Tennessee Volunteers. [NC]
31. St. Louis Rams [0-2]: So bad they couldn’t beat a Redskins team determined to lose. [NC]
32. Detroit Lions [0-2]: Best chance for a win comes this week against the Redskins. After that, the best hope would be some sort of act of God. [NC]
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