The World's Most Prestigious Power Poll: Week 5

The NFL may not wish to acknowledge it, but The World’s Most Prestigious Power Poll is now ready to make it official: The game of football now belongs to the NFC East. 
01. Tennessee Titans [4-0]: Raise your hand if you saw this coming. [Nobody raise your hand.] 
02. New York Giants [3-0]: It tells you how important Plaxico Burress is to the offense that it takes 40 or 50 infractions of team rules before they finally come down “hard” on him. 
03. Buffalo Bills [4-0]: For the first time since Doug Flutie convinced America that Smurfs can play football, the Buffalo Bills have a team worth watching.
04. Washington Redskins [3-1]: Never underestimate the power of the Zornado! Winning in Philly this week would confirm Washington’s status as an NFC contender.
05. Dallas Cowboys [3-1]: This week’s game plan calls for Terrell Owens to be involved in 107% of all offensive plays. Against the Bengals, it shouldn’t matter.
06. Pittsburgh Steelers [3-1]: With Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall out with injuries, Pittsburgh will move to a running back by committee, with Franco Harris and Rocky Bleier splitting most of the carries.
07. Carolina Panthers [3-1]: Jake Delhomme is having a good year and this week’s game against Kansas City should leave the Panthers on top of the NFC South.
08. San Diego Chargers [2-2]: Arguably the most talented team in the NFL, but also the most maddeningly inconsistent. Why did they sleepwalk through 3 quarters against the Raiders before destroying them in the fourth?
09. Philadelphia Eagles [2-2]: This is a top 5 or 6 team with Brian Westbrook, but without him, their offense will continue to struggle. 
10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers [3-1]: Winning despite predictably awful play from QB Brian Griese, but in a passer’s league, that probably can’t continue. 
11. Denver Broncos [3-1]: There’s only one problem with Denver’s defense: It can’t tackle. Turns out that’s actually a real problem, which is why Denver isn’t a real contender.
12. Jacksonville Jaguars [2-2]: Winning two close divsion games has saved the season.
13. Baltimore Ravens [2-1]: Defense will keep them in games all year.
14. New England Patriots [2-1]: Belichick spent the bye week videotaping his son’s Pop Warner football game.
15. New Orleans Saints [2-2]: Drew Brees is playing as well as any QB in the NFL.
16. Chicago Bears [2-2]: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Kyle Orton might be a real NFL quarterback.
17. Green Bay Packers [2-2]: Aaron Rodgers starting to come back to Earth.
18. New York Jets [2-2]: Unfortunately, Arizona only appears once on the Jets schedule.
19. Indianapolis Colts [1-2]: Cannot defend the run until Bob Sanders is healthy.
20. Seattle Seahawks [1-2]: Now playing the guy from “Rudy” at wide receiver.
21. Arizona Cardinals [2-2]: Look for Arizona defensive backs on the side of a milk carton because you sure as hell can’t find them near a wide receiver on game day.
22. San Francisco 49ers [2-2]: J.T. O’Sullivan leads the NFL in times sacked. Welcome to the Mike Martz offense, my friend. What you gain in passing yards you lose in bone density.
23. Minnesota Vikings [1-3]: Q: How do you know when you’re pissing your season away? A: When Gus Frerotte is the good option at quarterback.
24. Atlanta Falcons [2-2]: Ticket sales are down, as it turns out that 23% of people at Falcons games last year were animal rights protestors. Another 41% thought they were attending a Nelly concert.
25. Cleveland Browns [1-3]: The NFL wisely decided to destroy all copies of last Sunday’s Browns-Bengals game “in the interests of the NFL and the game of football.” 
26. Miami Dolphins [1-3]: Bill Parcells spent the bye week winning 14 eating contests in south Florida. Local media have changed his name from The Big Tuna to The Morbidly Obese Manatee.
27. Oakland Raiders [1-3]: It wasn’t until I saw the Al Davis press conference that I realized the medical profession has figured out how to re-animate the dead. Now, if they could only make them look more lifelike.
28. Houston Texans [0-3]: Should be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs by 7 PM Sunday night.
29. Kansas City Chiefs [1-3]: 29 percent of all Chiefs fans now opting to stay in the stadium parking lot during games. 
30. Cincinnati Bengals [0-4]: I’m running out of insults in the English language for these guys. Anyone know the Swahili word for ‘boneheads’? 
31. Detroit Lions [0-3]: Most analysts agree that Matt Millen is responsible for destroying the auto industry in this country, as well as the Lions.
32. St. Louis Rams [0-4]: Have been outscored 104 points in just 4 games. In other words, they’re not just awful, they’re on a pace to be the worst team in NFL history.